Sometimes I think we focus too much on how we feel when it comes to money. It’s not that this is an invalid tactic (because it is so not) it’s just that it’s overused, and often to the detriment of the deeper work that should follow that focus.
Here’s a secret:
Sometimes when shit is going down I feel sick or worried about money too. Yup, me, the teacher. That’s because this is normal, and feelings aren’t expressions we’re meant to control but communication signals we’re meant to listen to.
If we reframe this idea into the context of another relationship (spouse, best friend, sister), sometimes I hate Jeff too. You know, for short spurts, when he’s annoying me or I’m having a bad day. But being in Right Relationship isn’t about feeling good all of the time, it’s about being willing to address it when you don’t feel good. Just like you would in any other relationship.
What Would Right Relationship with Money Look Like
This week we’re beginning our Summer of Falling in Love with Money by talking about the value of looking at Money as a relationship we are in and the various ways that that can be interpreted.
Got things to say after watching that? We want to hear all about it. And if you liked it we’d love if you’d share it with the people in your life who could benefit from a Right Relationship with their Money too.
July 11, 2016 2 Comments
When you see me talking, you think I’m talking about money, about dollars and cents and making ends meet and bringing more clients in. I can’t blame you for that. It really does look like I’m talking about money. I mean I keep saying money and harping on money and asking you to think about money (and clients and dollars and cents).
It’s about my heart, and my vision, and the things I just can’t shake no matter the twists and turns in my path, those things that I just keep coming back to in deeper and deeper ways.
What It’s Really About is the Things That I am Devoted To.
I am devoted to being free to make our own decisions and to carving our own path.
I actually think this is the whole fucking point. (But that doing it in a way that is compassionate and in connection is the rest of the fucking point.)
I am devoted to expansion. To growth. To personal evolution.
Mine and then yours. This is also the whole fucking point. Life is for living.
I am devoted to reach and to impact and to better.
To what others sell to you as “changing the world” but is really about doing work that matters, mattering and adding meaning to the world in some way. That.
I am devoted to building sustainable businesses. And to actually living our lives.
To not having to live like we’re perpetually on the edge of extinction should we dare to pause for even one moment.
I am devoted to Spirit. To magic. To The Way.
To the Divine and the inexplicable. To the synchronicity and the Sacred. To the One that once it is named we are no longer talking about what we mean and to all the way It manifests.
I am devoted to Money.
And to the Spirits who love and work with it. To Juno and Jupiter. To Hecate and Hermes.
I am devoted to Flow and to Aligned Action.
Because we bring the “Spiritually Mature, Fully Autonomous” adult and Life brings the Flow for us to ride on. That’s the deal.
I am devoted to life as an art form and to each of us as Creators.
Because “art” isn’t music or painting or interior design, it’s your coaching, that moment in the park with your daughter, that idea you’ve been putting off sharing with your clients. Your life is the art and your choices are acts of creativity.
I am devoted to the practical, to the real, to the results.
Because if it isn’t actually serving you, isn’t moving you forward or deeper, then what’s the goram point of it?
I am devoted to the intangible, the unseen, the hidden and ever sought.
Because we should all be like a tree, deeply rooted but always reaching for the sky.
I am devoted to more, to abundance, to fulfillment.
Personal. Financial. Contentment.
I am devoted to me.
That’s not wrong. You should be too.
I am also, passionately, devoted to you.
In fact, all of this, every single bit of it, turns out to be about Y-O-U. And to you being the best, clearest and brightest expression of who you are (and can be) in the world right now.
Yes. It’s definitely about that.
You See, My <3 is Full of $
But that’s only because how we feel about money is deeply and intimately intertwined with how we feel about ourselves and Life at large. (And personally, I believe in Me and in Life and I want you to be able to do that too.)
So I’m going to keep instigating, and making myself available for, these deep and profound conversations about money because I know that without them you (and I) can’t know Flow, can’t know alignment, can’t know fulfillment, and can’t fully inhabit our possibilities.
Now you know, when I talk about money, that’s what I’m really talking about.
Now tell me my darling… have you given some consideration to what it is you are actually devoted to? (Hat tip to Fabeku for the “devotion” languaging that makes my soul sing.)
June 30, 2016 1 Comment
I have a truly lovely massage therapist. I kind of adore her. She does this thing where she cascades her thumbs down the muscle that makes it feel like a waterfall flowing over you. It’s pretty much as amazing as it sounds.
I like other things about her too. She collects Wonder Woman stuff (she’s named after Lynda Carter), she plays board games and chats about geeky subjects. Despite being a pretty fit and active person herself she has never once made me feel like less valuable or worthy because of my size. And she sends me texts to remind me about my appointments.
I would totally invite her over to the house to play board games or watch movies, she’s that kind of person.
Which is good, because if cascading waterfall massage was the only reason I went to her I might have stopped going to her by now.
I Love You, Please Let Me Pay You
A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of working with an indomitable Wonder. (I love her too, but for totally different reasons.) I had hired her for an hour session and we ended up going over the time, and not just “We chatted extra…” time, but quantifiably over what was scheduled to be mine and she worked much of that over time.
So I asked to pay her. She’s a mother with small children. She was paying childcare to show up with me. The kids had waited patiently all that extra time. Not to mention I was wildly grateful for the sense of control and direction she had given me. I didn’t just want to pay her, paying her was the right thing to do.
But she wouldn’t let me. Even though earlier in the conversation I had told her the Lynda story. She still refused my payment.
The Lynda Story
A few weeks ago I missed my massage appointment. I bailed at the last minute. After Lynda had texted me the night before to remind me and everything. It was totally my fault. I was super late and someone after me wanted 90 minutes so I couldn’t be made to fit now that I was late. Lynda told me I’d have to pay for the session. Of course, yes, it’s totally my fault.
Then we booked an appointment for the next day (because Lynda is wonderful and someone cancelled).
I went to my appointment. Had my glorious waterfall cascades massage. And then I went to pay. But the amount was wrong.
“What’s *insert number here*? That doesn’t seem right?”
“Yes. It’s today and half of yesterday’s appointment.”
“But that’s not right. I owe you for all of yesterday’s appointment.”
“No. It’s ok. You’re paying for the 30 mins the client after you dropped.”
Turns out the 90 min session person decided upon arriving they only wanted 60 minutes. Lynda has a robust waiting list but it was too late to fill in the hour and a half our two changes left her hanging.
“So you’re telling me that you lost 90 mins of fees yesterday and you’re only charging me for half of mine?”
“Yes. It’s fine.”
No it’s not fine. Let me fucking pay you damn it. I tried but she refused to take my full fee and I don’t carry cash so…
Let Me Fucking Pay You Damn It!
I know Lynda and the Wonder are being kind. They are being generous and gracious and telling me they too enjoy working with me and want to honour me as a person. I get that. But not taking my money when I ask to give it to you, that usually means other more personal stories are influencing you.
There’s definitely a reason they are dismissing my money.
Like, they turned down money. No strings attached. When you do that it’s definitely time for you to give some thought as to why it was so hard for you to take the money owed you. Because if you are a Wonder or a Lynda, a lovely and kind and generous person who truly loves her clients and feels honoured to get to work with them and has a hard time taking the money you are owed…
Well, you are making things awkward for me. In my brain I know: I owe Lynda $50. And I have no way to pay it back!
Paying you is how I honour you and the service you provided me. It’s how I act like a mature adult who takes responsibility for not wearing her watch and totally leaving someone I respect hanging.
Delivering more than you promise. Giving me extra time or a free service. Discounting something for me. These are all super generous of you and it is ok for you to offer them to me if that feels right and true for you. But when it comes from a maybe not centred place (like maybe part of the problem is you don’t feel comfy asking for or taking the extra money even though you earned it) or when I want to pay you – like I specifically cancel my too small payment and ask you to correct it – then it’s not ok. Because it makes me feel like I’m carrying a debt around with me.
A debt between friends might be ok. The Wonder and I arranged to barter for the extra time and I’ll get even with Lynda later, our relationships aren’t going anywhere. But a debt between you and a random client? Chances are that client won’t come back. Because it feels squiggy. And they owe you and that’s all they can think about but you won’t take their money and having your money stuff projected on us is uncomfortable.
Usually when we, as business people, talk about what we charge and why, we are thinking about the payment as being for us. But that’s wrong. Or at least, incomplete. Being able to pay you is for your client too.
So stop making it hard for me to give you my money and let me pay you, damn it.
May 5, 2016 5 Comments
You know how when money is working for you you don’t mind paying your bills and looking at your budget. Ok, maybe you don’t pay as much attention to the outflow when things are working but you don’t mind acknowledging your budget.
And when money isn’t working for what then?
In the real world we know we need a budget but we don’t always want to have to deal with them. Join Michelle and I as we talk about the reality money and budgets, especially when you’re a single mother.
Interested in joining me for your very own Money Conversations interview? You can raise your hand right over here: http://www.limitlessliving.ca/conversations/
April 20, 2016 No Comments