Limitless Living

I Would Really Like to Pay You… Please!?

I have a truly lovely massage therapist. I kind of adore her. She does this thing where she cascades her thumbs down the muscle that makes it feel like a waterfall flowing over you. It’s pretty much as amazing as it sounds.

I like other things about her too. She collects Wonder Woman stuff (she’s named after Lynda Carter), she plays board games and chats about geeky subjects. Despite being a pretty fit and active person herself she has never once made me feel like less valuable or worthy because of my size. And she sends me texts to remind me about my appointments.

I would totally invite her over to the house to play board games or watch movies, she’s that kind of person.

Which is good, because if cascading waterfall massage was the only reason I went to her I might have stopped going to her by now.

I Love You, Please Let Me Pay You

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of working with an indomitable Wonder. (I love her too, but for totally different reasons.) I had hired her for an hour session and we ended up going over the time, and not just “We chatted extra…” time, but quantifiably over what was scheduled to be mine and she worked much of that over time.

So I asked to pay her. She’s a mother with small children. She was paying childcare to show up with me. The kids had waited patiently all that extra time. Not to mention I was wildly grateful for the sense of control and direction she had given me. I didn’t just want to pay her, paying her was the right thing to do.

But she wouldn’t let me. Even though earlier in the conversation I had told her the Lynda story. She still refused my payment.

The Lynda Story

A few weeks ago I missed my massage appointment. I bailed at the last minute. After Lynda had texted me the night before to remind me and everything. It was totally my fault. I was super late and someone after me wanted 90 minutes so I couldn’t be made to fit now that I was late. Lynda told me I’d have to pay for the session. Of course, yes, it’s totally my fault.

Then we booked an appointment for the next day (because Lynda is wonderful and someone cancelled).

I went to my appointment. Had my glorious waterfall cascades massage. And then I went to pay. But the amount was wrong.

“What’s *insert number here*? That doesn’t seem right?”
“Yes. It’s today and half of yesterday’s appointment.”
“But that’s not right. I owe you for all of yesterday’s appointment.”
“No. It’s ok. You’re paying for the 30 mins the client after you dropped.”
“Wait. What?”

Turns out the 90 min session person decided upon arriving they only wanted 60 minutes. Lynda has a robust waiting list but it was too late to fill in the hour and a half our two changes left her hanging.

“So you’re telling me that you lost 90 mins of fees yesterday and you’re only charging me for half of mine?”
“Yes. It’s fine.”

No it’s not fine. Let me fucking pay you damn it. I tried but she refused to take my full fee and I don’t carry cash so…

Let Me Fucking Pay You Damn It!

I know Lynda and the Wonder are being kind. They are being generous and gracious and telling me they too enjoy working with me and want to honour me as a person. I get that. But not taking my money when I ask to give it to you, that usually means other more personal stories are influencing you.

There’s definitely a reason they are dismissing my money.

Like, they turned down money. No strings attached. When you do that it’s definitely time for you to give some thought as to why it was so hard for you to take the money owed you. Because if you are a Wonder or a Lynda, a lovely and kind and generous person who truly loves her clients and feels honoured to get to work with them and has a hard time taking the money you are owed…

Well, you are making things awkward for me. In my brain I know: I owe Lynda $50. And I have no way to pay it back!

Paying you is how I honour you and the service you provided me. It’s how I act like a mature adult who takes responsibility for not wearing her watch and totally leaving someone I respect hanging.

Delivering more than you promise. Giving me extra time or a free service. Discounting something for me. These are all super generous of you and it is ok for you to offer them to me if that feels right and true for you. But when it comes from a maybe not centred place (like maybe part of the problem is you don’t feel comfy asking for or taking the extra money even though you earned it) or when I want to pay you – like I specifically cancel my too small payment and ask you to correct it – then it’s not ok. Because it makes me feel like I’m carrying a debt around with me.

A debt between friends might be ok. The Wonder and I arranged to barter for the extra time and I’ll get even with Lynda later, our relationships aren’t going anywhere. But a debt between you and a random client? Chances are that client won’t come back. Because it feels squiggy. And they owe you and that’s all they can think about but you won’t take their money and having your money stuff projected on us is uncomfortable.

Usually when we, as business people, talk about what we charge and why, we are thinking about the payment as being for us. But that’s wrong. Or at least, incomplete. Being able to pay you is for your client too.

So stop making it hard for me to give you my money and let me pay you, damn it.


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May 5, 2016   4 Comments

Money Conversations with the Fabulous Michelle Butt

You know how when money is working for you you don’t mind paying your bills and looking at your budget. Ok, maybe you don’t pay as much attention to the outflow when things are working but you don’t mind acknowledging your budget.

And when money isn’t working for what then?

In the real world we know we need a budget but we don’t always want to have to deal with them. Join Michelle and I as we talk about the reality money and budgets, especially when you’re a single mother.

Interested in joining me for your very own Money Conversations interview? You can raise your hand right over here:


Feeling the Money Vibe Wonder?
Grab Yourself some Money Magic !

And then Join the Money Conversation. You can watch the Money Conversation videos or you can raise your hand to record one with me. Or come hang out with me on Social Media to chat about money, business, and life in general.

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April 20, 2016   No Comments

It’s Ok for Today to Suck

“All any feeling wants is to be welcomed with tenderness. It wants room to unfold. It wants to relax and tell its story. It wants to dissolve like a thousand writhing snakes that with a flick of kindness become harmless strands of rope.” Geneen Roth

Today I am snarky and inexplicably grumpy. There is no cause. No one has done me wrong. But it is how I feel. And you know what?

That’s OK.

It’s ok for me to feel like punching someone in the face (because thinking it and doing it are not the same thing) and it’s ok for me to be grumpy and sensitive for no reason.

It is ok for me to feel the way I feel.


Here’s what’s not ok: being mean to Jeff simply because he is stuck in the same space as me. Not warning Jeff about the inexplicable snark. Blaming myself. Calling myself a bitch. Trying to force myself to stop feeling this way or to deny how I feel. Creating a story about how I’m always like this and why can’t I get over it already? Expecting myself to carry out the day as if I’m not feeling this way.

Basically the “Not Ok To Do When Feeling Feelings” list boils down to: Blame, Judgement, Denial, Indulgence, and Taking It Out on Others.

Please notice that “feel the way I feel” is not on this list.

What If It was OK to Feel Like Shit Today?

Today you feel like shit. Let’s embrace it. Maybe there’s a reason, maybe there isn’t. That’s irrelevant. What is relevant is that you are a person who has feelings and right now their feelings are.not.cooperating.

You feel:
Like a Failure.
Grief Stricken.
Like an Asshole.

Tell me how you feel and I will offer to you this mantra:

“It is OK for me to feel INSERT YOUR FEELING HERE right now.”

It’s ok. Furious isn’t your enemy. Snark isn’t trying to derail your life. Loneliness is not your forever and Sadness is not a measure of your worth as a human being. They are simply the way you feel. Just for right now.

And what if you made that ok?

What if you attempted to meet that emotion not with blame and judgement and bigotry but instead with tenderness? What if you stopped trying to drown yourself in rightness and wrongness and shoulds and simply let the feeling be what it was.

If it was ok for you to feel the way you felt then you would listen to the feeling. You would hear the story it is telling you. You would give it a hug and you would ask it, What do I need in this moment right now to allow the feeling to continue moving on? To support and care for the Myself who is feeling this feeling?

Do I need to tell someone about this feeling?
Do I need to go for a run?
Do I need to take a nap? Or read a book?
Or take the whole day off?
Do I need to find someone to pick the kids up from school?
Do I need a bath?
Do I need someone to know what happened to cause this feeling?
Do I need to accomplish something on my to do list?
Do I need to eat something? Or stop eating without thought?
Do I simply need to keep reminding myself that it is ok that I feel this way right now?

It’s ok that I feel snarky today. It really is ok that I feel this way. It’s probably hormonal. It’s probably out of my control. I don’t need to feed it, but it is ok that this is the way I feel. I don’t need to change it. Or stop it. Or stuff it.

I simply need to meet it and take care of myself within it. Say it with me:

It’s OK for me to feel like shit for right now.


Feeling the Money Vibe Wonder?
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And then Join the Money Conversation. You can watch the Money Conversation videos or you can raise your hand to record one with me. Or come hang out with me on Social Media to chat about money, business, and life in general.

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April 14, 2016   No Comments

Money Medicine: What Is Money?

Money is Trust

Money is Cash

Digits, numbers, bills in your wallet and coins on the ground. It’s also becoming less and less tangible the more technology advances. It’s rare nowadays for most of us to interact with physical cash on a day to day basis (unless it’s part of our job).

Money is Energy

Yes… and? Do any of us really need one. more. person. explaining how money is really just energy?

Many things are energy. You, me, thoughts and feelings and the cord that connects us to everything else in the world, not to mention the laptop and table I’m working on right now. In the same way that money really is cash, this is more a statement of fact than a revelation of nature. Considering that most of us have little to no understanding about how energy moves, grows, manifests or is sustained (even those of us who work in it) I’m not sure how helpful this explanation is on a practical level. Yes, money is energy, and…

Money is Love

I get where this is going; money is a universal energy, it’s expansive, it has energetic form, it’s bigger than how we normally conceptualize it. But I don’t think it is fair to either money or love to equate them to each other.

Love is the closest expression we have to divinity. Some say that Love is divinity defined. So while we may aim for bringing love into our financial life and money relationship, they are not interchangeable. Money at its heart is neutral. Neutral is the last thing that love is.

Money is Freedom

When I ask people what they want from money two-thirds of them tell me they want freedom, but is money defined by what we want from it? Money may open the gateway to freedom but is that what it is?

It puts an awful lot of pressure on a relationship when we confuse what we want from the other being with who they are. Jeff is Jeff, he’s not my happiness, my home, or my completion. Those are things we create together through right relationship with each other, but they do not and never should define him. Besides, not everyone wants freedom from money. Some people want security, opportunity, status or power, or…

Money is Relationship

We are in relationship with money and it brings us into relationship with those around us (employee/employer, client/coach, customer/company). It’s a line, a thread of connection a path down which my energy travels. I worked, invested my time and energy, to get that money and now I give it you – reinvesting that time and energy into you. When deciding whether or not we want to buy something one of the considerations we make (or should be making) is: Are you someone I want to be in relationship with?

Money is Fuel

This is not my phrase, it’s actually how Fabeku Fantumise taught me to think about money.

Money feeds momentum and expansion, it serves all our other relationships. It drives and motivates. It satisfies. It creates. Is potential. It is energy waiting to be combusted, ready to be directed and used up when and how we want to use it. It feeds our vision and fuels the world we are creating for ourselves (and for others).

Money Is

Have you ever noticed that in conversation we have two selves? There’s the myself I refer to when I say, “Oh I did it myself,” or “I need to take better care of myself,” but when you talk about your core self, your spirit, your soul, the depth of who you are, you of course mean your Self and not yourself. Because what you are really talking about is your I Am not the mundane you.

Money has this same double layered nature.

There is, of course, small “m” money that’s the cash in my wallet and the digits in my Paypal account. Most of use rarely have opportunity to find a quarter to be sacred (except when you really need a grocery cart and you have no quarters). But money also has an I Am, a Spirit expression in the world. For me money is not so much energy (though small “m” money is made of energy just like everything else) but is actually a Spirit, a being, a presence and possibly even a personality. Much as there is a Spirit of Love and a Spirit of Bear (who becomes your spirit animal), there is also a Spirit of Money. (That’s why capital “M” Money is my spirit animal.)

And this is why right relationship matters; because you aren’t just in relationship with the bills in your wallet, or the energy that flows according the rules of all energy in movement, but with the actual Spirit of Money who is neither good nor bad, partial nor impartial, kind nor a disciplinarian. It is no more or less than itself and can be no more or less than itself.

So What Is Money ?

How I know, define and work with Money is as a Spirit; as an I Am, as worthy of respect as much as my I Am and your I Am are. How I use and interact with money is as fuel that feeds my fire and results from my fire (wood going in and coal coming out). The other meanings might be interesting, but it’s these two interpretations have proven themselves to be transformational.

Is how you know money transforming your experience and world? Maybe it’s time to get to know it in a new way?


Feeling the Money Vibe Wonder?
Grab Yourself some Money Magic !

And then Join the Money Conversation. You can watch the Money Conversation videos or you can raise your hand to record one with me. Or come hang out with me on Social Media to chat about money, business, and life in general.

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April 1, 2016   No Comments