Being Bold, Finding Your Groove & Living Authentically

Welcome to the first part of my interview with Danielle Laporte. Danielle has been going on a journey of interviews for the launch of her new Fire Starter Session program and I was lucky enough to secure some of her time so that we could talk about how she balances real life with being her bold, authentic self.

Danielle is one of my role models, she’s a truly sweet and, yes, real person, while also being immensely wise, clever, and fun to talk to. I hope she inspires you to be your real self as much as she’s been inspiring me!

The Interview Begins

D- I’m all yours.

M- I’ve been reading all the other interviews, and Kate at Courageous Life mentioned a blog post that I always think about when I think about you…

D- Which one?

M- You did a post about choosing passion over balance in our lives.

D- Yes.

M- Actually, whenever I think about you I think, if I had to describe you I’d describe you as passionate. Is that how you would describe yourself?

D- (Chuckles) It’s funny, no. I get that and I don’t think… passionate, it’s funny. I don’t know, I need to talk to my psychiatrist about that. Why don’t I think of myself as passionate? I think I’m intense, and I think that intensity is a kind of passion; it might be the cousin of passion. I guess, yes by definition I’m totally passionate about… a very few things actually. Umm… But what I love I love just with every cell of my being and I’m committed and devoted.

So, that’s a long way of saying, I guess so.

M – So, how would you describe how you live your life? Or what your ideal for how life should be experienced is?

D- I’m committed to living a bold life. And, you know the old saying that you teach what you need to learn. My teaching, my thang, is always about authentic. So, no surprise, life is always giving me opportunities, shall I say, to step up and be the one who speaks up, and say, “You know what, there’s a turd in the punch bowl here,” as my mother used to say, “there’s an elephant in the room and someone’s got to discuss this”. That roll often is, that is my Karma, my Dharma. So that defines how I live my life, that commitment to that boldness and just old fashioned integrity. I really want to do the kind thing. I want to do the right thing. Sometimes the right thing doesn’t look kind. Sometimes the right thing doesn’t look logical. Usually the right thing is rooted in love, I guess maybe always it’s rooted in love. I want to be awake. I just want to be wide awake for the ride.

M- That’s great, I love that.

So, I take it then from your answer that you haven’t always been that way. That this was something you had to learn how to be.

D- I think, you know I think I came down a pretty wide awake kid, didn’t fall asleep, I was always pretty fiery. Yeah, you know my 20s was all about… I was so into “fake it until you make it” And I’m going to act like I know everything and I know the answer and I’m gonna do what my bosses tell me to do.

You know I was just writing this chapter in the Fire Starters book the other night about my attempt to be a well-rounded person. And how I just came to the conclusion “that is way over rated.” I wanted to know a little bit about physics and about wine and politics and fashion design and I just wanted to be able to talk to anybody at a party. And that’s really anxiety inducing. It’s not good it’s not healthy its not sustainable.

And I just got clear. You know what, I just want to focus on things that I love and that I really want to know about. And that gets into the whole discussion about your truth strengths and Marcus Buckingham’s work around that and following what your interests are. And that’s where the juice is, that’s where the traction is in your genuine interests.

M- I have to say, I think that people look at you, and because you have such a big audience and because you’re so bold and authentic and they think that you’re different then them. Like, that you’re not a real person, you know what I mean, in experience. For me, I think it’s really hard to get out of the trap of thinking about people like that, but I know you’re a mom and have a family and you must have bad days so how do you deal with those days and how do you talk to yourself about them and bring yourself back to this place.

D- Well, let me tell you about launching this eBook – I was nervous. And I actually wrote about it on the day I launched. I called a friend and we were sending raunchy jokes back and forth, cause I needed a little levity in my day. And I emailed her back quickly and I said, “Send light and good wishes because I’m launching in a few hours and I hope it doesn’t suck.” And she said, “That is so endearing that your nervous”.

I was like, endearing! Piss off, of course I’m nervous. And then people started giving me feedback about the first chapter I was like, “OMG, thank God, it works, they don’t think it sucks.”

So, that’s just one human story of mine. You know, I can tell you more human stories, my dishes, my kitchen right now is a disaster. And, you know, I had to cover up my zits because I thought this was going to be on video.

But how do I deal with all that? A support system and this is one of my most common nuggets of counsel, especially for entrepreneurs, you’ve got to have a team of love for yourself. You’ve got to have the girlfriend that you call – I’m a big fan of coaches – and having people in your court that are going to hold you accountable and see your greatness! Their in it to help you win it. And I think it’s about getting mentors; if you’ve got to have a therapist, a priest, a shaman, some kind of spiritual advisor, get one.

My friend and I were just talking about this the other night, the same kind of question. Like what do you do in crisis mode? And what happens in crisis mode is we tend to forget all those things that feed us and get us on track because, you know, we’re all discombobulated because we’re in crisis mode. I think it’s great to do a list like: these are the things that remind me of who I am. And if the shit ever hits the fan and I’m having a crap day I’ve got a list of ten thins I can do that are going to make me feel more like me and I’m going to do three of them on a bad day.

And those things for me are definitely: Girlfriends, some Leonard Cohen, some Imogene Heap, it’s a walking the Dog, and colouring with my kid helps every time. I just say, come colour with me; I see new things and my mind rests.

M- Yeah, I use a coaching tool that they call the “flight tool” and you had make a list of things that drain your energy and a list of things that boost your energy and the thinking is you can either fix your life by removing something that drains your energy or by just adding something that boosts your energy. If you can’t never do the dishes because someone has to wash them eventually; you could make time for a walk beforehand. That’s what you’re talking about right?

D- Umm Hmm. yeah.

M- I like the idea of having the list, I would have to have it somewhere where I could look at it all the time so when I’m in that old habit forming thought, like what you were talking about, I don’t have to remember it. I can see it and go, oh yeah, that’s what I’m supposed to be doing.

Now read Part Two and learn how to find your groove!

Over to You:
What do you do on your crap days when the shit hits the fan? Is it helping or hindering you? Do you have a Top Ten Things That Make Me Feel Like Me! list? It’s been a long time since I filled in my own coaching tool, so I’m off to make Danielle’s list for myself, why don’t you make one too?