For many of us the problem isn’t that the mind thinks, it’s that we become aware of the thinking to the exclusion of everything else. ~ Mark Silver
I Love Energy Clearing
I love, love, love the work. I wish everyone in the whole Universe knew how to do it. I think it’s invaluable. I believe it’s a major anchor point for sacred and personal development. I love hearing how it is changing our students lives. But, after class this April, I’m not teaching it again. Because my mind has reasonings, but my body and heart are telling me, screaming at me, that my time teaching it is done. That I have other things to pour my energy into.
It’s a fucking hard decision. I can’t even tell you. But I’m letting it go. I’m moving on. I’m listening to the everything else and asking my mind to trust where we’ll end up. I’ve found, this really is the only way to make these kinds of decision.
I can’t trust my mind.
I’ve come to learn that my mind is untrustworthy and twisty. It has so many reasons; reasonings to hold up it’s reasonings that I easily forget why the fuck I’m doing something in the first place. My mind is a useful tool. It is helpful. And it can keep me from walking into proverbial walls. But it is, ultimately, untrustworthy when it comes to making the deeply important decisions.
How do I know if I’m done with this?
Should I keep offering this service?
Is This The Right Thing For Me For Right Now?
This is how I know. I don’t feel excited about it. I feel sick in my stomach when I think about. Remembering I have to do, or market, this thing makes me feel suddenly heavy and sluggish. I really like the thing and when I’m in it I’m fine, but all the time leading up to it, and often after it, I feel like I’m dragging my feet; like there are a million other things I want to do more. Like clean my toilet, or wash dishes. (I hate washing dishes).
My mind has reasons that I shouldn’t stop offering it.
But people like it. But it makes you good money. But it makes sense. But you’re good at it. But where are they going to get this class now? But you love tarot/energy clearing/people. But this is how it’s supposed to be done. But you can do it, and it might make you money.
But none of that matters.
Because doing it makes my stomach feel like it’s falling out of my body. Because I can’t seem to ever find the time or space to get it done. Because thinking about it makes me need to crawl into bed. Or want to cry.
Your work, and your life for that matter, should bring you joy. They should lift you up. They should fill you up. You should end every service you offer by wanting to post “I fucking love my work” all over social media. If you aren’t feeling that way then the work you are doing bears examining and it might be time to set your mind to the side and listen to the Everything Else.
What are your body and heart telling you need to tweak? Telling you you need to change? Telling you you need to start doing? What does the everything else want you to know about your work and life right now?
April 15, 2015 8 Comments
Adj: true or correct
Verb: restore to a normal or upright position
Etymology: straight, erect, to put right
Noun: the way in which two or more concepts, objects or people are connected, or the state of being connected
Right Relationship I’ve heard my magic teacher and a few others use this phrase a lot lately and I’m falling more and more in love with it. Right Relationship. I feel it folding itself into my being.
What does it mean to be in right relationship? Right relationship with my body. Right relationship with my money? Right Relationship with my business? With my practice? With my spouse? With myself?
Suddenly I want all my life to be modelled by this phrase, to be navigated by this simple yet rich term. Instead of wealth or health, I want to talk about right relationship with money and body. Not because right relationship is any less subjective than all the other words and phrases that we use. Because it isn’t. If anything it is more subjective.
But right relationship is purely my own. It’s mine to define. It doesn’t come with any of the baggage, weight, or pre-conceived judgements that all the other words we tend to use carry.
How does the idea of meeting your life with the question “What does it mean to be in right relationship with this right now,” feel to you?
Where would you most like to see Right Relationship begin to be restored in your life right now?
April 2, 2015 No Comments
To practice, just sit quietly and follow the breath. Then begin to pour peace, love, and forgiveness, first to yourself. You bless yourself and all you may be inwardly blaming. Then you move on…” ~ Tosha Silver, Outrageous Openness
You begin with yourself.
I’ve heard it said that metta meditation (the practice being described in the quote) begins with easiest and moves up in difficulty; like a rising tension.
Send peace + love to yourself.
Send peace + love to those you love.
Send peace + love to those you have trouble liking.
I propose that this is completely inaccurate. That, in fact, you begin with the most difficult, you begin with yourself. In the work I do, mentoring and supporting Wonders like you, there is one thing I find myself advising so often it has become a mantra to me: Grace.
Be gracious with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Offer yourself the same compassion you would offer to me were our places exchanged. I say it over and over again because it, so often, truly is the hardest thing for us to do.
Take a deep breath.
Feel your belly expand.
Place your hand and attention on your heart.
Feel love + compassion build and overflow beneath your hand.
Offer that love + compassion first to yourself.
Forgive your faux pas, slip ups, and all out mistakes.
Keep your focus on you heart, on the love + compassion.
Allow Love to flow over, and around, and under you – like a warm bath.
Feel its source, feel it flowing out from under your hand.
Begin with yourself.
Allow yourself to sit, hand on heart for a few moments simply being in this place. Then answer this question for me:
Are you open to receive?
You yourself, as much as anyone in the entire Universe, deserve your own love and affection. ~ Buddha
March 27, 2015 10 Comments
Let what wants to come, come. Let what wants to go, go.
If it’s mine, it will stay. If not, whatever is better will replace it.
If you fully invoke God’s highest will for you you’ll never fear the movement of the stars again. ~ Tosha Silver, Outrageous Openness
I read this last night while lying awake in bed because my back was hurting so much falling asleep felt impossible. There is no denying that I am definitely feeling the “supernewmoon-solareclipse-geomagneticshitstorm-springequinox” (as my friend Teresa Deak so perfectly called it). I can feel it pushing against me and in response I’m buckling down as if waiting for a storm, and I’m pushing back.
But what if we’re looking at it wrong?
First, I should make super clear that I am not a Western Astrologer. I don’t “speak” Western Astrology very well. I need interpreters. I can only come at this from my experience with Elemental Astrology. I feel like you should know this before you read on. Now: Onward.
I have spent the last five years or so learning about the Elemental seasons (years and months) of Nine Star Ki by simply bringing awareness to what the eff is happening to me right now. And the number one thing I have learnt is that we can’t escape the energy of our year or month, but that doesn’t mean we just need to sit back and expect to be bashed around the head by the astrology. Quite the contrary.
What I’ve actually learnt is that how we experience the Elemental season has less to do with the astrology and almost everything to do with how you encounter it. I now know that if you push against where the Element you are currently in is taking you then what you’ll get is a rocky ride. But if, on the other hand you find a way to walk in step with it then you actually end up being buoyed up through the ride.
The “stars” (whether my Elemental ones, or the Western ones) are all telling us a story. They talk about the pace at which the Universe will support our movement right now. (The Supernewmoon-solareclipse-geomagneticshitstorm-springequinox’s pace is apparently S-L-O-W if Facebook is any indication.) They talk to us about the Doing that would best serve us right now. (I’m not sure what the Supernewmoon-solareclipse-geomagneticshitstorm-springequinox’s homework is – see above note on Western Astrology – but I enjoyed this blog post earlier.)
They aren’t what’s happening to us.
How often do I begin my day with a pause that invites input into my plans for the day? How often do I relinquish control? Or even ask, “What wisdom do I need today?”
I can’t deny that back is hurting to an incapacitating degree, or that neither Jeff nor I have slept properly for at least three nights. And yet. Our response has been to dig in. Push harder. I. Will. Get. Some. Fucking. Work. Down.
Damn it. Why can’t I just go lie on the couch and watch movies all day? Doesn’t the situation call for it? Why isn’t that ok?
I tell people this all the time, and yet I find I need to be reminded of it today: Each day is not the same as the next. Yesterday and tomorrow are not the same days with the same needs and the same way to respond. And yet, we tend to plan and move through them (or try to) as if they are. Why is that?
We do not need to beware the stars. The stars didn’t do this to me. I did. I pushed. I resisted the flow. I insisted on the One Way. And now I need to interpret the signs – of the stars and my body and my mood – and give myself permission to go where the flow is going and stop working. Because that is the wisdom of the stars, of my wiped out brain and aching shoulder today. Rest.
How are you encountering the signs – the stars, your body, your emotions – in your world this week?
What is the pace you are being called to? What homework might be being suggested to you? What wisdom is speaking to you through them?
March 20, 2015 6 Comments