I’m thinking of legally changing my name.
This whole line of thought has been predicated by Facebook, who in their infinite wisdom has banned me from my page until they can confirm my ID and force me to conform to simply being plain old Megan Potter.
Yesterday I was angry about the whole debacle, not because they are forcing me to drop the Limitless (which is really more inconvenient than anything) but rather because they won’t just let me change my name, I was forced to provide ID which means my account is suspended for the time being.
If you’ve been wondering where I went on Facebook, now you know.
But Then a Thing Happened.
I woke up this morning and immediately texted Jeff to ask if he thought legally changing my name to include Limitless would be weird.
Let’s rewind just a bit. It’s not that I am so attached to my Facebook user name that I’m pondering legally changing my name forever and ever, cross my heart, stick a needle in my eye and hope to die.
That would be silly.
I’ve actually been sitting with the issue of identity for months now. Turning my names over and over in my head. It kind of began with my last name. See, if I were to get married right now I know I wouldn’t reflexively take Jeff’s last name as mine. Potter, to me, doesn’t really feel like who I am. Partially because I didn’t take it on thoughtfully or consciously. So I started out by considering reverting to my maiden name. But you know what? That didn’t feel like me either. I mean, never mind that it’d been my name for twenty years the truth is due to family shit I really have no connection to my father or his family so… Really though, it just didn’t feel right. Neither does my mother’s maiden name.
And so for months I’ve been sitting here. I’ve thought about changing first names, but of all my names Megan feels the most like me. And I’ve always kind of had a soft spot for Elizabeth. So this is where I’ve been for months; not feeling like the energy of who I am now (nor of who I want to be) is being held by my name and not really knowing what to change to fix it.
Who Am I?
I’ve never really understood why in some magical traditions it is normal to take on a “working” name. Until now. Before it felt like affectation. “Ohhhh… I’m Silver Raven Foxears!” (Actually I like foxears now that you mention it.) But now I get it. Because sometimes doing deep work changes who you feel like you are and who we ARE is embodied in the world by the name that we go by.
In numerology you can (and should) work out the numbers for your full name to see and understand your blueprint in this world. But you can (and should) also work out the numbers for the individual names that people call you – because those numbers talk about how those people see and know you to be. It seems like a small thing, but lately it has truly mattered to me.
In Feng Shui they say that you should create your house not to reflect the energy of who you are right now, but to reflect the energy of who you want to be 5 years from now – aka your home should hold the space for all you want to become, all you want to grow into. For at least the last year or so my name has felt like it has no space for who I am in it – never mind who I might like to become.
My Facebook name (Limitless Megan) was never intentional. It was simple math. I didn’t want the people who knew Megan Potter to connect up with me – I had shed so much in my life I wanted to have control over which parts moved into the interwebby world with me. So I put my first name, and part of my business name. The best nickname ever was simply an accident.
But Limitless Megan has truly become part of my identity. The first time someone responded to me working through an issue by telling me, “You can do this, you are after all Limitless,” I was rocked back. That’s not what I meant by my name. But then it became a thing. And eventually it became I thing I call others. My newsletter frequently goes out to Limitless Your Name Here – because you are, you can be… So am I. There are even some people who choose to refer to me as Limitless, rather than Megan (which always amuses me).
Certainly it holds and embodies the energy of who I feel I have become and where I am going better than any name I have now. I didn’t realize any of this until I spent a full day sitting with the feeling of having Limitless fully stripped from my identity.
It turns out I wasn’t just upset at being forced to be suspended. Or frustrated about losing the word people use to identify and tag me on social media. It turns out that being forcibly stripped of Limitless in my identity has left me feeling like a little piece of myself has lost the space being held for its existence. It feels like being shoved backwards, rather than stepping forward.
It feels like there’s no space to be all of me.
This morning my conversation with Jeff went something like this.
Me: Do you think it would be weird to legally change my name to have Limitless in it?
J: It would be a lot of work. You’d have to change all your ID.
Me: I know. But would it be weird.
J: No. Change it.
So, I’ll be plain old Megan Potter for now. But not for long.
Who are you?
What is holding the energetic space for who you are now, and who you are becoming? Is something? What helps to anchor you to your identity? Is it a name? A talisman? The way you dress? Identity matters, tell me about yours….
May 22, 2015 14 Comments
aka Why I am Posting About the Baltimore Riots So Much Today
…we suffer more from our ideas about reality than from reality itself. Such is “the trance of ordinary consciousness.” From the perspective of self-hypnosis, our ability to see reality is completely obscured in a negative self-fulfilling prophecy. Our minds justify our ideas at all costs. Whether they contribute to our personal satisfaction or not. ~ Eric Shaffert, Feng Shui and Money
Today all the internet is talking about Baltimore.
They are talking about what a shame and waste the riots are. About how much more worthy Nepal is of our attention and compassion – as if Baltimore, unlike Nepal, brought this on themselves. There’s been an awful lot of finger pointing, “ok enough already”ing, and prayers for “peace” which really feel more like prayers to make the riff raff settle down rather than a prayer for peace at the real root of the problem.
I’m Not Usually Political
I prefer to foster a space that holds the energy that I want to create more of in the world. I prefer to model where I see us going (as much as possible). Plus, I’m way too loud and opinionated (not to mention empathic) to let myself get embroiled in every political issues going on right now.
Because It’s Not Really About Baltimore
It’s not really about this one thing on this one day on this particular week.
It’s Really About Being an Ally
For the marginalized.
For all the things I am not (black, gay, trans, disabled). And for the things I am (a woman).
Because the problems with the conversations, or lack there of, that are coalescing online about Baltimore are the same problems no matter who or what we are talking about. Because the real problem here isn’t the issue at all; it boils down to just two things.
Privilege. Some of us – fully abled, skinny, white, straight, male, Christian – have it. And some of us – basically any of the opposites of those – don’t.
Discomfort. What those of us with said privilege feel when faced with the difficult, or even terrible, experiences – the not-fair-ness – endured by the unprivileged. Especially when we feel lost and incapable of doing anything about what we are seeing.
Our Discomfort Is the Problem
Our discomfort is the barrier to communication and to change.
No one likes to be uncomfortable. Feeling powerless (i.e. there is no immediate action that we see available for us to take and so change the situation) in our discomfort multiplies the problem. Add to that that our minds are pre-programmed to justify ourselves – to make us right, no matter the cost.
Well, problems ensue, as they do. Problems that keep things from changing, from evolving, from expanding.
Because we human beings are prone to react to discomfort in one of two ways (and if we’re super unlucky, both).
We push it down. We cover it up. We look away. We ask for prayers for peace and go back to eating our avocado sandwiches.
We rail against it. We find a way, any way, to make ourselves right. Enter blaming the victim, fighting about the symptom and ignoring the cause. Making it about ourselves as individuals ( ala “not every man/white/police officer” hashtags) and respond with defensive combat.
These things don’t work. I repeat:
These. Things. Will. Never. Help.
I don’t want my son and grandchildren to be having this conversation yet again 40 years from now.
And I know you don’t either. In which case…
Here’s What Needs to Happen
You need to accept that you are one of the privileged. You need to admit to yourself that because you aren’t black/LGBT/a woman/differently abled that you know absolutely nothing about the real story. And until it is your son or husband or trans daughter who might leave to get eggs and a quart of milk and never, ever come home you can not speak to how you would – or anyone should – react in that place. We must embrace that chances are we are wrong, and honestly we don’t know shit anyway.
We are the privileged ones and it is not our voices that need to be given airspace.
And then you need to sit in your discomfort. You need to let it be uncomfortable. You need to let any guilt or shame that comes from knowing that your neighbour fears for their son’s life every day and you never even once think that yours might die on a public street be what it is. You need to allow that knowing people are being killed for no reason and you are helpless to make it stop brings anger and frustration and impotence with it and you need to let yourself feel it. You need to let it be ok that you feel afraid, ashamed, sad, hopeless, powerless… plain old uncomfortable when these issues come to a head so that you can actually begin to Hear. So you can listen. So you can ask those you know who are marginalized how you can become part of the solution. So you can ask what they want and need from you – the privileged.
So You Can Effectively Create Lasting Change.
This is simple. But it is not easy. It is not easy. But if you can do it, if you can join in the conversation while knowing that you are wrong about what you think you know and feeling your own discomfort and still be present… Then you won’t just be a black ally. Or a LGBT ally. Or a woman’s ally.
You’ll be an Ally to Life.
You will become the change.
Please. Please. Take a deep breath and join me in being the change.
April 28, 2015 5 Comments
For many of us the problem isn’t that the mind thinks, it’s that we become aware of the thinking to the exclusion of everything else. ~ Mark Silver
I Love Energy Clearing
I love, love, love the work. I wish everyone in the whole Universe knew how to do it. I think it’s invaluable. I believe it’s a major anchor point for sacred and personal development. I love hearing how it is changing our students lives. But, after class this April, I’m not teaching it again. Because my mind has reasonings, but my body and heart are telling me, screaming at me, that my time teaching it is done. That I have other things to pour my energy into.
It’s a fucking hard decision. I can’t even tell you. But I’m letting it go. I’m moving on. I’m listening to the everything else and asking my mind to trust where we’ll end up. I’ve found, this really is the only way to make these kinds of decision.
I can’t trust my mind.
I’ve come to learn that my mind is untrustworthy and twisty. It has so many reasons; reasonings to hold up it’s reasonings that I easily forget why the fuck I’m doing something in the first place. My mind is a useful tool. It is helpful. And it can keep me from walking into proverbial walls. But it is, ultimately, untrustworthy when it comes to making the deeply important decisions.
How do I know if I’m done with this?
Should I keep offering this service?
Is This The Right Thing For Me For Right Now?
This is how I know. I don’t feel excited about it. I feel sick in my stomach when I think about. Remembering I have to do, or market, this thing makes me feel suddenly heavy and sluggish. I really like the thing and when I’m in it I’m fine, but all the time leading up to it, and often after it, I feel like I’m dragging my feet; like there are a million other things I want to do more. Like clean my toilet, or wash dishes. (I hate washing dishes).
My mind has reasons that I shouldn’t stop offering it.
But people like it. But it makes you good money. But it makes sense. But you’re good at it. But where are they going to get this class now? But you love tarot/energy clearing/people. But this is how it’s supposed to be done. But you can do it, and it might make you money.
But none of that matters.
Because doing it makes my stomach feel like it’s falling out of my body. Because I can’t seem to ever find the time or space to get it done. Because thinking about it makes me need to crawl into bed. Or want to cry.
Your work, and your life for that matter, should bring you joy. They should lift you up. They should fill you up. You should end every service you offer by wanting to post “I fucking love my work” all over social media. If you aren’t feeling that way then the work you are doing bears examining and it might be time to set your mind to the side and listen to the Everything Else.
What are your body and heart telling you need to tweak? Telling you you need to change? Telling you you need to start doing? What does the everything else want you to know about your work and life right now?
April 15, 2015 8 Comments
Adj: true or correct
Verb: restore to a normal or upright position
Etymology: straight, erect, to put right
Noun: the way in which two or more concepts, objects or people are connected, or the state of being connected
Right Relationship I’ve heard my magic teacher and a few others use this phrase a lot lately and I’m falling more and more in love with it. Right Relationship. I feel it folding itself into my being.
What does it mean to be in right relationship? Right relationship with my body. Right relationship with my money? Right Relationship with my business? With my practice? With my spouse? With myself?
Suddenly I want all my life to be modelled by this phrase, to be navigated by this simple yet rich term. Instead of wealth or health, I want to talk about right relationship with money and body. Not because right relationship is any less subjective than all the other words and phrases that we use. Because it isn’t. If anything it is more subjective.
But right relationship is purely my own. It’s mine to define. It doesn’t come with any of the baggage, weight, or pre-conceived judgements that all the other words we tend to use carry.
How does the idea of meeting your life with the question “What does it mean to be in right relationship with this right now,” feel to you?
Where would you most like to see Right Relationship begin to be restored in your life right now?
April 2, 2015 No Comments