Daring Monday: Overcoming Jekyll & Hyde

After Wednesday’s surprisingly popular post (trust me, I’m seriously surprised at the reception) I had planned to come online and reply to comments, possibly start a serious conversation or two. Except, instead, I spent Thursday and Friday out of town and running errands – doctor’s appointments, dress shoes for dance, birthday gifts for friends. (Why is it that errands always take so much longer than you ever expect them to?)

I have to tell you, I’m a nice person. I’m friendly, generous, and compassionate (no I’m not bragging, ask my friends, it’s true) and I like to think that you, my clients, readers and friends, are equally considerate, caring and friendly, but nothing shakes my faith in humanity (or myself) like driving and shopping.

I do not know what happens to the average mind when you hand them a steering wheel or a shopping cart, but I’m starting to suspect that they instantly become possessed by some demon of Selfishness and Thoughtlessness. Like I said, I’m a nice and considerate person, but driving can be counted on to make me curse and hurl insults at others.

Like yesterday, I was driving on the highway and noticed the car on my right is crowding my lane, I can’t figure out what she’s doing so I tap my break only to discover that she’s changing lanes despite the fact that my car is there! I couldn’t tell earlier because she was so close to me I couldn’t even see her bumper. I have a mantra for just these moments: “I like my car. I like my car.” (This is a reminder that I like my car too much to use it as a weapon of retaliation, though a good bump does seem tempting sometimes.)

It’s the little acts of inconsiderateness that drive me insane. Things like not signalling (it’s not like it costs you time or effort to signal a lane change), leaving your cart on one side of the aisle while you stand blocking the other side, cutting people off or not even bothering to notice someone is standing right behind you. These kinds of things wear away at me until I start saying things.

I’ve been known (much to Wakizashi’s annoyance) to yell “Your Welcome” after people who don’t say thank you when I hold the door for them (seriously, how much effort goes into “thank you”?). And this year, on the American Thanksgiving, our groceries stores were insane with selfish, careless people to the point that I was grumbling sarcastic comments (“Oh no, that’s ok, I’m just standing here out of boredom. I didn’t actually want to walk anywhere…”) under my breath and getting odd looks from the man beside me.

Honestly, that’s not the kind of person I want to be, something just happens to me when I’m driving and shopping.

And, is my name calling and grumbling any better than their initial acts of thoughtlessness anyway? Inconsiderateness, it seems, breeds more inconsiderateness. And this is something I’d really like to change.

So, my goal this week is to maintain my conscious self while driving. To remember that one more red light, or toddling driver is only going to make the difference of a minute or two – and I’m not in that big of a hurry anyway. To consider that we all make mistakes by accident, their actions aren’t necessarily malicious/selfish. But most of all, to remind myself that my own negative reaction is equal to their initial inconsiderateness – it won’t affect them and it never serves me. (Plus, they normally can’t even hear me.)

So this week, as I get behind my steering wheel and grocery cart I’m going to ask myself: Who do I want to be? The real test will come in remembering to be that person even when people are cutting me off and blocking the aisle.

How About You?
I like to think that you aren’t the woman changing lanes and almost hitting me, or going straight through a turning lane just to save a few seconds – I prefer to believe that you are much friendlier and more considerate than that. But I suspect that I’m not alone with my frustration, and consequential slip into a bad mood. Or, maybe there’s some other area of your life that creates the same Jekyll an Hyde mood change for you – like work, or your in-laws. This week, when you are presented with those situations, join me and ask yourself: Who do I want to be? And then BE that person! Let me know how it goes.