Daring Monday: STOP!

Have you ever woken up on a Monday morning just as, if not more, exhausted as you were on Friday afternoon? I know that you’ve woken up wondering where the hell your weekend went and with your work week stretching out in front of you like an unending treck across a desert, with no water, or food.

I have a theory, I think it is because we have absolutely no idea (as a culture, or individuals) how to rest.

I can, and I’m sure that you can empathize with me, spend whole days – weeks even – doing nothing (that is, getting little to nothing accomplished) and get to the end of the day feeling just as worn out and overwhelmed as I would if I had worked all day. I do this on days when I am supposed to be working and on days when I am not supposed to be working.

I know that my problem is not in what I do or don’t do, but in what I think about. It may be my day off, but here I am making a priority list of what needs to be done this week in my head, or worrying about the books I think I should be reading – instead of enjoying my indulgent one. My head, with out an act of force on my part, is constantly in my work. It doesn’t matter if I write, or read, or administrate one single thing I’m still “working” 90% of the time (and I assure you that the fact that there’s nothing to show for it makes it all that more exhausting and frustrating).

I’ve noticed that my husband doesn’t have the same problem I do, but he still comes out of his weekends feeling exhausted and unrested. Watching him, I’ve worked out that there is a whole other end of the scale; from too much work to too much nothing.

Like I said, we don’t know how to rest any more and for some reason we seem to think that doing nothing activities (like watching TV, or literally doing nothing) is the same thing as relaxing. My observation is that mindless television watching is anything but renewing or relaxing. It doesn’t feel stressful in the moment, and it keeps us from falling into my trap of working in your mind, but you never feel any better when you come out of it. Just a little frustrated that the whole day is gone with nothing to show for it.

Learning to Relax

There it is, that’s the word that everything really hangs on: renew. Our time off is supposed to renew us, make us feel whole again. And what we are currently doing with our evenings and weekends just isn’t cutting it.

Did you know that the Jews, in all their complicated and multidimensional laws, have a law (in the Old Testament) that says you can only plant a particular field for six years, on the seventh year you have to leave it fallow? The logic and wisdom of this law has always impressed me enough that it’s stuck with me for years – and I don’t even have fields!

Agriculture drains the nutrients out of the soil and the seventh year was meant to give it time to renew those nutrients and keep the soil fresh and alive so the next six years would be as thriving as the ones before. It’s a Sabbath for the earth. Of course, it follows the exact pattern of their real Sabbath. You can work for six days, but on the seventh day you need to rest.

I’m mentioning this because I think the best commentary I’ve ever heard about rest came from a Rabbi speaking about the Sabbath, in his book Living a Joyous Life, Rabbi David Aaron says:

Some people can’t stop, they don’t know how to take a rest. They don’t know how to put aside what they are doing. They’re compulsive. These are not creative people engaged in malacha [creative work]; these are people who labor. They are slaves to their jobs and slaves to their instincts… They are no longer people with careers, they are careers…
When I stop on Shabbat, I demonstrate that I am not a compulsive, laborious, mindless bundle of nerves and tissue, but rather I am a human being created in the image of God, and I make my own choices.

Life drains the nutrients right out of our souls, and all of us need the opportunity to step back and renew them so that we can live rich, refreshed and joyous lives.

The Challenge

Which is exactly why yesterday (my first weekend day this week) I did nothing that I normally do. I didn’t watch random television because it was there, and I didn’t let my mind wallow in it’s “work” mode. Instead, I put on a random (and enjoyable) audio book. I sat in my office all day and sorted, piled, and organized books (something that brings me immeasurable pleasure, actually) colored, and played games. Basically, I immersed myself in my own private space and did whatever felt good at the time (while listening to my audio book – which was my ultimate goal). Today I think I might do some cross stitching (while listening to a new audio book) and play some video games…

See, real rest comes when we do things, when we play and dabble, when we choose something. The kind of rest that gives nothing and comes from nothing happens when we fail to choose what we are going to do. It’s what happens when I let the day coast by and never once ask myself what I’d like to do, or what would bring me joy.

Nothing is the course of least resistance,which seems more relaxing, but is also the one of least reward. So for this week, on my evenings and days off, I’m going to be really and truly practicing the Art of Relaxation because I desperately need some rest and renewal in my life right now. And I’m guessing that I’m not alone in that!

I figure that there’s probably a really good chance you have no idea how to tell the difference between doing the nothing things and the restful things, so here’s a few tips to help you join me in my challenge this week.

1. Pick one joy thing to do every day. We all have off time each day, and picking a joy thing at the beginning of the day is a good way to be sure you use it to your advantage. A Joy Thing is an idea I got from The Joy of Appreciative Living (by Kelm), it’s one thing, no matter how small, that you can do today that will bring you joy. It could be calling a friend, sitting in the sun, reading a fiction book, working on a painting, going for a run, etc… No matter how small they are, joy things always renew us.

2. Make conscious choices. TV can sometimes be renewing, if it’s a good show or movie that you’ve been waiting for, if it’s something you do to bond with your family – if you rule it rather than it ruling you. The problem is, most of us just leave the tv on because it’s there, not because we want it. Activities renew us when we choose them. If you were doing yoga because you “should” it won’t be as restorative as the times you do it because you really want to. Plan one thing for each weekend day that you’d really like to do, then do it. Choice can make all the difference.

3. Get a hobby, preferably a totally fruitless but enjoyable activity. Maybe something you’ve wanted to try for a while or haven’t done in long time. Playing is good for the soul, not everything has to have an end result that is “valuable”. The worth of a hobby isn’t in what you end up with, or what you do with it, but entirely in what you get out of it!

4. Go outside! It’s summer for goodness sake, if you haven’t been outside at least once each day (for more than car to door runs) then you are doing it wrong!

There you go, now we are all well equipped to live it up this week. I expect my self-indulgent behavior is going to make all the difference in my home, my work, and my self this week so I challenge you to join me in learning to rest and report back the results next Monday. See you, our new PS3 is calling my name!