Journeying into the Feminine

For the beginning of the story read yesterday’s post: How I Became a Woman

What the Hell is a “True Woman” anyway?

I’ve decided to ignore the smoother sounding “real woman” because of all the insulting connotations it carries with it.

It’s been two years since I determined that if I was going to achieve my goal in life (to live with passion and joy and abundance) then I was going to have to take control of my issues with my gender. It looked like health and happiness lay in that direction and I desperately want health and happiness. I didn’t really have a plan, I had no direction or sudden flash of insight into a starting point; I just decided to meander along the path with only my intent to guide me and see where I ended up.

Seeing as this was my journey I started out by doing the two things I do best: Reading and Talking. I talked to my women friends and discovered I was way behind on the uptake, but they willingly offered guidance and suggestions to get me going. And then I read – and read.

I have to say, I think most of my shift must have come through my intent, rather than my actions, because I can’t really recall that one pivotal book that brought about a shift or changed my life. (Although, I can recommend quite a few that I’ve found to be useful and influential. Christine Northrup‘s work comes immediately to mind.) I wanted to know, I wanted to understand and to see and suddenly I was seeing (and let me tell you, it wasn’t pretty). And, I’m still learning to see.

I have no doubt that I’m on the right path though – no doubt, at all, that this is the answer, the right thing for me to be pursuing in the right now. I know I’m right because of my periods (sorry for the TMI jaunt). See, in the very heart of PCOS I could go an entire year with only one period (I know, you are thinking “I wish”); when I went to the doctor the only thing he was willing to do for me was put me on the pill so I could have my “period”. I told him the lack of period was the only symptom that made having the stupid disease bearable and I wasn’t about to change that and keep the other effects.

Too Much Information

One of the very first things I had to embrace in my journey was my period. Getting my period was the number one sign that things were getting better in my body and in my heart, which had to mean that getting my period is good. (Recently, I’ve been moving even deeper into this idea than that, now I embrace my period as a sign of strength and power and the epitome of femininity, but that’s not how it was then.) I started keeping better records, paying more attention, and working on not being upset/disappointed/etc when it came, but happy to see it. Welcoming it even.

And it worked. I went from missing half (or more) of my periods in a year to only missing three in the last fifteen months (one was due to stress – month I sold my store – one was due to desire – went on vacation and apparently repressed it – so only one was missed for inexplicable reasons). An amazing record I hadn’t come close to in more than a decade; that’s how I know that this is a path I need to walk.

So, What Now?

In the last few months I’ve had to admit, Yep, I am a raving feminist (I just realized that I had accidentally put “not” in a critical part of this sentence and had to remove it – I suppose there’s still some work to be done on my sub-conscious). And yet, I haven’t seemed to become political, aggressive, or corporate. I am loud and vocal (I always have been tough, just ask my mom), but I don’t think I’m offensive and I’m convinced that all the things I’m seeing are relevant to each and every one of us.

A year ago I would have told you that all I wanted to do was help women find their passion, their purpose, and their abundance too, but now, I’m not so sure that that is enough. Or, maybe what I’m not so sure about is if that’s even possible without first digging down and removing the toxins seeping into the very roots of our Self. Recently a friend of mine emailed me in response to my survey (I’m assuming she didn’t fill in the actual survey because she didn’t like any of the options) she said:

I think you should concentrate on your passion which has always appeared to me to be teaching women how to take care of themselves so they can return recharged and ready to care for everyone else in their busy lives

Things like:
getting over the guilt of taking time for yourself
finding your individual passion or what makes you happy
learning to accept life for what it is and leave the perfect image behind
how to build new and old friendships with other women
supporting one another

She’s right, I am passionate about these things, but I’m also passionate about my rich spiritual walk and I’m aflame about what it might mean – how the whole world might shift – if all us women could figure out what the heck it means to be a True Woman. And I keep going back in circles, can I honestly offer you – help you achieve – any of the things she’s listed if I don’t first show you how to fall in love with the Limitless Divine and your Limitless Feminine again? The further into my rabbit hole I fall, the more I become convinced that I can’t; at least, not to any degree that will matter in ten, twenty, or a hundred years from now. And, more than anything, I want what I do to matter (is that arrogant? selfish?).

Seeking Clarity

So, here I am, stepping out; walking off the cliff and hoping I don’t end up in a massive clump at the bottom. I’m reading all the books on my shelves that I’ve been putting off, and anything else I can get my hands on to help me get this right. I’m planning on putting together a workshop for girls, which I’m going to run locally next month, all about teaching them to love and trust their girl-selves and to help them (and their mothers) make their first period something to celebrate (and something they understand) not something to be ashamed of.

I’m also hard at work formulating the eCourse/Coaching Intensive my survey was all about and hoping to launch it sometime next month too…

And even as I’m (supposed to be) working on my thesis for UMS about integrating your faith into your life through spiritual practice, I’m also hard at work reading about goddess mythology from around the world to prep for my dissertation.

I still don’t know what everything looks like, I’m not even totally clear on the path I’m walking (although, I know where I want to end up, which path to choose on the way is shifting under my feet), but I know each step of the way I’m going to be embracing – and standing tall in – my femininity more and more. I try, every day to affirm that I love being a woman and to ask myself again what exactly that means, because right now I know that’s where I’ll find what I need. IThe ironic thing is, the more I find the answers to that question the stronger and more confident I feel – which is the exact opposite of what I was expecting. (No soft and gentle woman for me, no way!)

On to You:
I’ve never been good at separating my personal journey from my business life (and maybe we aren’t supposed to anyway) so the question is: Are you going where I’m going? Would you like to walk this path together with me? How can I, and should I, help you journey into your feminine?