The result is that *your* bad emotional responses re-emerge when associated with such people. I avoid them now.

I was particularly taken with your metaphor of the flower in bloom and I thought about how the flower image applies to me and my own relationship to identity and self. Right now I feel like my petals are still opening – the outer ones are the most obvious, most visible parts of my identity. But there are still many layers of petals still emerging, hiding not only from others, but still from me. I don’t think I am yet at the place you are, to be able to confidently state that I know who I am.

Through some of the comments on my own post yesterday, I realized the extent to which blogging has helped me explore those deeper layers of petals and the ways in which my blogging audience – alongside my husband, who is also my best friend – sees the most layers of me.

We do all wear masks, or at least show different sides of ourselves to different people. I’m not sure I know the real me. I think I’m still discovering.

In some ways I look at revealing my inner self like revealing my outer self. If I’m walking around naked, aside from being cold, I’m not looking my best. Which is to say, I have some physical flaws that are not apparent when I’m wearing clothes.

In some ways I feel it’s not anyone’s business what I look like under my clothes. But I also think it’s for other people’s benefit as well. Most people wouldn’t want to see me with my clothes off. It makes them uncomfortable even if it’s comfortable for me.

It also matters what kind of clothes I wear. At work I wear the prescribed work uniform because that’s what people expect and it communicates my professionalism. At home I relax in jeans or cargo shorts and when I go out I wear clothes that say, I’m here to party.

Each one of these outfits is still the real me, just a different side of me. If I were to wear the wrong my party clothes to work or my work clothes for an evening out it would send a very different message. So I reveal, show, dress in a way that is appropriate for the people I’m interacting with.

So I want to be honest and open but I also want to do what is comfortable for everyone.

S.