“All any feeling wants is to be welcomed with tenderness. It wants room to unfold. It wants to relax and tell its story. It wants to dissolve like a thousand writhing snakes that with a flick of kindness become harmless strands of rope.” Geneen Roth
Today I am snarky and inexplicably grumpy. There is no cause. No one has done me wrong. But it is how I feel. And you know what?
It’s ok for me to feel like punching someone in the face (because thinking it and doing it are not the same thing) and it’s ok for me to be grumpy and sensitive for no reason.
It is ok for me to feel the way I feel.
Here’s what’s not ok: being mean to Jeff simply because he is stuck in the same space as me. Not warning Jeff about the inexplicable snark. Blaming myself. Calling myself a bitch. Trying to force myself to stop feeling this way or to deny how I feel. Creating a story about how I’m always like this and why can’t I get over it already? Expecting myself to carry out the day as if I’m not feeling this way.
Basically the “Not Ok To Do When Feeling Feelings” list boils down to: Blame, Judgement, Denial, Indulgence, and Taking It Out on Others.
Please notice that “feel the way I feel” is not on this list.
What If It was OK to Feel Like Shit Today?
Today you feel like shit. Let’s embrace it. Maybe there’s a reason, maybe there isn’t. That’s irrelevant. What is relevant is that you are a person who has feelings and right now their feelings are.not.cooperating.
Like a Failure.
Like an Asshole.
Tell me how you feel and I will offer to you this mantra:
“It is OK for me to feel INSERT YOUR FEELING HERE right now.”
It’s ok. Furious isn’t your enemy. Snark isn’t trying to derail your life. Loneliness is not your forever and Sadness is not a measure of your worth as a human being. They are simply the way you feel. Just for right now.
And what if you made that ok?
What if you attempted to meet that emotion not with blame and judgement and bigotry but instead with tenderness? What if you stopped trying to drown yourself in rightness and wrongness and shoulds and simply let the feeling be what it was.
If it was ok for you to feel the way you felt then you would listen to the feeling. You would hear the story it is telling you. You would give it a hug and you would ask it, What do I need in this moment right now to allow the feeling to continue moving on? To support and care for the Myself who is feeling this feeling?
Do I need to tell someone about this feeling?
Do I need to go for a run?
Do I need to take a nap? Or read a book?
Or take the whole day off?
Do I need to find someone to pick the kids up from school?
Do I need a bath?
Do I need someone to know what happened to cause this feeling?
Do I need to accomplish something on my to do list?
Do I need to eat something? Or stop eating without thought?
Do I simply need to keep reminding myself that it is ok that I feel this way right now?
It’s ok that I feel snarky today. It really is ok that I feel this way. It’s probably hormonal. It’s probably out of my control. I don’t need to feed it, but it is ok that this is the way I feel. I don’t need to change it. Or stop it. Or stuff it.
I simply need to meet it and take care of myself within it. Say it with me:
It’s OK for me to feel like shit for right now.
April 14, 2016 No Comments
Money is Cash
Digits, numbers, bills in your wallet and coins on the ground. It’s also becoming less and less tangible the more technology advances. It’s rare nowadays for most of us to interact with physical cash on a day to day basis (unless it’s part of our job).
Money is Energy
Yes… and? Do any of us really need one. more. person. explaining how money is really just energy?
Many things are energy. You, me, thoughts and feelings and the cord that connects us to everything else in the world, not to mention the laptop and table I’m working on right now. In the same way that money really is cash, this is more a statement of fact than a revelation of nature. Considering that most of us have little to no understanding about how energy moves, grows, manifests or is sustained (even those of us who work in it) I’m not sure how helpful this explanation is on a practical level. Yes, money is energy, and…
Money is Love
I get where this is going; money is a universal energy, it’s expansive, it has energetic form, it’s bigger than how we normally conceptualize it. But I don’t think it is fair to either money or love to equate them to each other.
Love is the closest expression we have to divinity. Some say that Love is divinity defined. So while we may aim for bringing love into our financial life and money relationship, they are not interchangeable. Money at its heart is neutral. Neutral is the last thing that love is.
Money is Freedom
When I ask people what they want from money two-thirds of them tell me they want freedom, but is money defined by what we want from it? Money may open the gateway to freedom but is that what it is?
It puts an awful lot of pressure on a relationship when we confuse what we want from the other being with who they are. Jeff is Jeff, he’s not my happiness, my home, or my completion. Those are things we create together through right relationship with each other, but they do not and never should define him. Besides, not everyone wants freedom from money. Some people want security, opportunity, status or power, or…
Money is Relationship
We are in relationship with money and it brings us into relationship with those around us (employee/employer, client/coach, customer/company). It’s a line, a thread of connection a path down which my energy travels. I worked, invested my time and energy, to get that money and now I give it you – reinvesting that time and energy into you. When deciding whether or not we want to buy something one of the considerations we make (or should be making) is: Are you someone I want to be in relationship with?
Money is Fuel
This is not my phrase, it’s actually how Fabeku Fantumise taught me to think about money.
Money feeds momentum and expansion, it serves all our other relationships. It drives and motivates. It satisfies. It creates. Is potential. It is energy waiting to be combusted, ready to be directed and used up when and how we want to use it. It feeds our vision and fuels the world we are creating for ourselves (and for others).
Have you ever noticed that in conversation we have two selves? There’s the myself I refer to when I say, “Oh I did it myself,” or “I need to take better care of myself,” but when you talk about your core self, your spirit, your soul, the depth of who you are, you of course mean your Self and not yourself. Because what you are really talking about is your I Am not the mundane you.
Money has this same double layered nature.
There is, of course, small “m” money that’s the cash in my wallet and the digits in my Paypal account. Most of use rarely have opportunity to find a quarter to be sacred (except when you really need a grocery cart and you have no quarters). But money also has an I Am, a Spirit expression in the world. For me money is not so much energy (though small “m” money is made of energy just like everything else) but is actually a Spirit, a being, a presence and possibly even a personality. Much as there is a Spirit of Love and a Spirit of Bear (who becomes your spirit animal), there is also a Spirit of Money. (That’s why capital “M” Money is my spirit animal.)
And this is why right relationship matters; because you aren’t just in relationship with the bills in your wallet, or the energy that flows according the rules of all energy in movement, but with the actual Spirit of Money who is neither good nor bad, partial nor impartial, kind nor a disciplinarian. It is no more or less than itself and can be no more or less than itself.
So What Is Money?
How I know, define and work with Money is as a Spirit; as an I Am, as worthy of respect as much as my I Am and your I Am are. How I use and interact with money is as fuel that feeds my fire and results from my fire (wood going in and coal coming out). The other meanings might be interesting, but it’s these two interpretations have proven themselves to be transformational.
Is how you know money transforming your experience and world? Maybe it’s time to get to know it in a new way?
April 1, 2016 No Comments
In every Money Conversation I ask for a money story or memory, and they are always insightful, but usually people know what the story is going to be. Usually we’ve spent time with our stories following us around (much like Alana’s did) and we know what needs to be shared and released. So it’s particularly fascinating when our interviewees subconscious just pops up a random, surprise story that then turns into the platform for the most wonderful insights.
You’ll see what I mean.
March 31, 2016 No Comments
A few weeks ago I had the honour of teaching a Money workshop at the North West Tarot Symposium in Portland and even before I was done that class I knew I wanted to teach it in a way that all of you would be able to participate with me.
So this coming Wednesday, on March 23rd at 9pm EST I’ll be hosting Flourish & Grow: a #moneymedicine workshop. We’ll have a live class with lots of interaction and space for questions about money, and anyone who can’t attend will receive a recording as well as a PDF of the worksheets. And I will, of course, be happy to answer any questions here on the blog, on Facebook or through email.
Flourish & Grow is only $8 all you have to do to join us is click on over here where you will get more information about what to expect and to find the purchase button.
I can’t wait to see you there!
p.s. We’ll be playing with Tarot or Oracle cards for this class but you absolutely don’t need to know how to read them, or want to ever learn, or even own a deck. We’re simply using them as visual tools and prompts and I’ll provide links to free resources should you not have one of your own.
March 18, 2016 1 Comment